Grlblog

I play a lot of TTRPGs. Or, well, maybe not a lot, certainly less than my friends who play professionally, those in the same country as their fellow players, who have more than one group of friends who play.

So, alright, maybe I don't play that much, maybe twice a month, three if I'm really lucky, but that does make it the social activity I partake in the most, so, like, statistically? A lot. Plus, the hobby extends past the act of playing, right? Buying books, reading books, drawing your characters, talking about them with other players (sometimes accidentally roleplaying because you want to be playing so bad)

Despite this, and the fact that I've been playing tabletop rpgs regularly for about four or five years now, I still feel like a complete beginner compared to the people I play with. That (as well as other feelings of inadequacy, probably) is likely why I tend to gravitate towards characters who are "new" to their world in some way. Maybe they're just really sheltered, maybe they're or maybe they've literally been brought to the game world from another universe.

I've only noticed this pattern recently, and even now that I'm aware of it it's a hard habit to kick! I have pretty bad memory issues and brain fog which makes it difficult for me to remember things about past games, my character, the rules of the game... I'm that guy who has to ask what I'm rolling 2 years into a campaign.

I tend to play it off as a joke, like it doesn't bother me that I genuinely can't memorize things anymore, and in a large part I've made my peace with it. It's just how life has been since I got sick, and I deal with it how I can, but it wears at me. Not just in games, obviously. I've dropped out of college three times now because I couldn't keep up physically or mentally with the workload.

It feels a little silly, in comparison to the other ways my disabilities affect my life, but I would quite enjoy playing games without getting a headache from trying to remember what we did last session.